


To Fix Your Mistakes

by ShadowAndPurgatory



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: 4 days, Angst, Oneshot, it took like, request, requests are open, this one’s long a bit long
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-03
Updated: 2019-05-03
Packaged: 2020-02-16 10:36:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18689782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadowAndPurgatory/pseuds/ShadowAndPurgatory
Summary: Taako uses the Chalice, and he fixes Glamour Springs.





	To Fix Your Mistakes

**Author's Note:**

> spookyhetero asked:  
> Taako and the chalice, possibly by taking it

The ability to turn back time had little appeal to Taako. After all, he was famous! He was Taako from TV, known in every part of Faerun, _and_ the Underdark. His childhood had been spent travelling in caravans, which hadn’t exactly been pleasant, but he might not have started his cooking show if he hadn’t lived that way.

 _Which may have been for the best anyways_ , said a little voice in the back of his head. He squashed the voice, shaking his head a little bit. _Sizzle it Up_ was the best thing he’d ever done.

Magnus put a hand on Taako’s shoulder. “Taako?” He asked. He sounded like he’d tried to get Taako’s attention multiple times.

Taako blinked a few times. “Huh?”

“You spaced out a little bit there,” Magnus said.

Taako scratched his head. “Sorry about that, my dude. What did I miss?”

“June — or is it the Chalice? Where does June end and the Chalice begin?” Magnus mused. “Well, whatever, the point is they’re making us an offer.”

June stared at the three of them with mild amusement on her face, and sat down at the table. “I promise, I’m not gonna cast some thrall over you or whatever. But I truly believe that together we can fix the wrongs in the past, and we can make this world better in the process. So I’m not gonna hypnotise you or anything like that; I’m asking for the opportunity to make a sales pitch for you. I just want you to hear me out and then I'll release the girl, and I promise to go with you without any fuss.”

Taako shrugged. “Sounds good to me.” He couldn’t really think of anything that he’d turn back time for(with the exception of maybe one thing, but that was irrelevant), so he was good in that regard. He’d watch whatever the Chalice had to show him, take the Chalice back to the Bureau, take a nice long shower, and go to sleep.

That was how he intended for things to go, but he wasn’t prepared for what June showed him.

Sazed had tried to _kill_ him. He’d put arsenic in the food.

Part of him was relieved. It hadn’t been a careless mistake. He hadn’t murdered those 40 people!

But the other part of him knew that even though he hadn’t been the one to poison them, it was still his fault that they were dead _._ Sazed had been the one to put arsenic in the garnish, but it had been _Taako’s_ unwillingness to share the spotlight that had driven him into the madness of envy. Taako’s selfish nature was the root of the problem.

After a few moments, June spoke. “This is the worst thing that ever happened, Taako, in your life. And you can fix it. If you claim me, then none of this ever happened. Glamour Springs lives, you can keep doing your cooking show, and you won’t have this horrible black mark on what is otherwise a heroic legacy.” She extended the hand that bore the Chalice. “Take me, Taako, take the cup, and you can fix it all.”

 

And then Taako was back in the white space with Magnus, Merle, and June. June was sitting at the table, Chalice in hand.

“I need to lay out the rules for you, ‘cause I feel like that’s only fair. If you take the Chalice, there are three rules that you have to follow. First of all, you cannot walk the path that you walked in this timeline. Specifically, there’s gonna be no joining the Bureau of Balance, ‘cause you could create a paradox. Second of all, you forfeit your place in this timeline completely. There is no comin’ back if you take the Chalice and cross over to your new one.”

She paused while they thought about it.

“What’s the last rule?” Taako prompted.

“If you take the Chalice, I’ll create a new timeline for you, but you have to keep it up and running. That means that you have to want every single thing that happens in this new version of reality. The good stuff, and the bad stuff,” June said. She set the Chalice down on the table in front of them and stared at them, silent.

Taako stared at the cup for a few seconds. “Can we all take it, or-”

June shook her head. “Only one of you can take it.”

“Maybe you should have mentioned that in the rules,” Magnus said. “Just for like, future reference, next time you do this.” The big man had a smile on his face.

June smiled in mild amusement. “What are your decisions?” she asked.

The smile slipped from Magnus’s face, and he turned to Taako and Merle. “Listen, I assume that we all had very similar yet different experiences, and this…” he trailed off for a second. “What I saw was something that I’ve wanted for a very long time, and I-” His voice cracked. “I want you both to know that no matter what you decide, I won’t fault you for it, and I won’t judge you. And this new reality, well, it’s what I want, more than anything, but…” His eyes started watering. “But it’s not what Julia would have wanted, so- so I have to pass.”

June’s face fell a bit. “All right. If that’s your decision, then I won’t stop you, but it is a bit disheartening.” She angled herself more towards Taako and Merle, and looked at the two of them expectantly.

Merle shrugged. “I’m not one to dwell on the past, so I’m going to have to pass as well,” he nonchalantly, though Taako noticed him staring at his soulwood arm.

June pursed her lips a bit. “I see,” she said. She turned to Taako. “What about you?” she asked. “What’s your choice?”

Taako stared at the Chalice. It’d be so _easy_ to take it, and fix the biggest mistake of life. Then his eyes flitted to Merle and Magnus. Over the past year, they’d become such a good team. But once the Relic hunt was over, which was just a short ways away, he knew what would happen. They wouldn’t need to be a team, and they _certainly_ wouldn’t need Taako.

The thought hit him like a brick. He’d be right back where he started. Alone. Scraping for money. And more than anything, he’d be alone. Just like it had always been. Just Taako against the world. The Umbra Staff felt warm under his fingers, and he gripped the handle of it tightly.

“June, thank you for the offer,” he said. He smiled, and turned to Magnus and Merle. “It’s been nice working with you,” he said softly, and those who knew him as well as Merle and Magnus did heard the sincerity in his words. “Well, I _won’t_ be seeing you, since the rules prohibit it and stuff,” he said, grinning. “Buh-bye!” He whirled around and grabbed the Chalice.

 

On the Celestial Plane, Istus watched a thread in her scarf fall out _,_ and the scarf began to unravel.

 

Everything changed immediately, although for Magnus and Merle, Taako just disappeared, and they had no way of knowing that everything had been irrevocably changed.

But Taako knew. Taako watched as the world seemed to rip in two. He was seeing double, and he remembered that he had to _want_ everything that would happen. He had to want it.

He didn’t _really_ know what happened to Magnus and Merle in the past, but he wanted to take care of them in this new timeline. So he willed them to meet Gundren Rockseeker. He willed them to win the fight against Magic Brian. He willed Merle to take the Umbra Staff, and he willed them a job at the Bureau. He willed them to survive the trial of initiation, and solve the mystery on the Rockport Limited. He willed them to win the battle wagon race, and willed them to defeat Legion. He willed Merle to teach Angus to use cleric spells, and willed Magnus to start training as a rogue with Carey.

He paused when he neared the present, and decided that he had to go back to his own past determine how he would move forward.

He went back to when June had frozen time for him, right before he poisoned Glamour Springs.

And he was there, and he was smiling. He unfroze time, and set the Chalice on the table next to him. “Sazed?” he called. “Sazed, could you come here?” There was a moment’s pause, and Sazed walked onto the stage, looking confused.

“What did you need, Taako?” he asked nervously.

“Sazed, how would _you_ like to be the first one to sample the 30 Clove Garlic Chicken?” Taako asked. His tone was cheerful, but his eyes were on Sazed’s.

Sazed shook his head. “I’m- I’m good,” he said.

Taako raised his eyebrows. “Sazed, I thought you wanted to be on the show more often,” he said mockingly. Taako smiled at him in fake confusion.

Sazed looked uncomfortable. “No, I-I don’t like garlic,” he said, which was a lie. “You like it; you should eat it.”

Taako clicked his tongue. “Sazed, you were the one who _suggested_ that I make the garlic chicken,” he said. “You said that you hoped that there would be leftovers, because it’s one of your favorite meals.”

“ _I don’t want it!”_ Sazed practically shouted. “You eat it!”

Taako tilted his head. “Is something wrong?” He asked, taking a step forward.

Sazed shook his head, and Taako could practically see the wheels in his brain turning frantically. “I-I-” he was backing away. He mumbled something.

“What?” Taako asked.

“I put poison in it,” Sazed said, a bit louder.

Hearing Sazed _say_ that he put poison in the food seemed to cement it into reality.

“Get off my stage,” Taako said, voice deathly calm.

“What?” Sazed asked meekly.

“Get out of my sight, and go and rot somewhere!” Taako’s voice was growing louder with every word. “And don’t ever let me see you again, you piece of trash!”

Sazed scampered off the stage, and ran away.

Now, Taako picked up the Chalice, and he knew what to do. He would keep traveling, growing more and more famous. He was so happy, and he knew that he’d made the right choice. However, in some capacity that he could not understand, Taako wanted to see his friends. He couldn’t make contact with the Bureau, that was against the rules, but he could _want_ the Bureau to seek him out. He willed a seeker, Angus McDonald, to check Refuge for leads on Grand Relics.

 

Instead, Angus found Istus.

She was knitting a scarf, but there was a certain point where the scarf looked like someone had started again with a new kind of thread, and the scarf became almost Frankensteinian in nature. She smiled at Angus.

“Hello, Angus,” she said. Her voice was warm and kind. “There is something very wrong that has happened here.”

Angus looked around. The temple of Istus was in good condition, and nothing really looked out of place. “What do you mean, Lady Istus?” He asked.

Istus held up her scarf as though it ought to explain everything.

Angus stared at the scarf. “Lady Istus?” He asked.

“It looks odd, doesn’t it?” Istus asked, pointing to the place where the pattern seemed to be stitched by someone else.

Angus nodded. “Yes, but what does that mean?”

Istus‘s smile turned grave. “Someone has changed fate, and turned back time,” she said. “The item they used is called the Temporal Chalice, and it is one of the artifacts you have come to this town to find.”

Angus’s eyes widened. “Where can I find whoever used it?”

Istus smiled again. “I am fate, and I must let the world run its course, so that is not something that I can tell you, but they have upset time, and stolen three emissaries from me,” she said.

“Tell the two who should have been my emissaries that when the time comes, they must fix the mistake of their brother that isn’t,” Istus said, adjusting her scarf. For a split second, Angus saw the faces of Magnus and Merle flickering in the scarf. Someone else too.

“I will, Lady Istus,” Angus said. He bowed to her, and as he left, he heard her chuckle as she whisper something under her breath. He might not have heard any of it, but as if by chance, the wind picked up. so as he left the temple, Angus heard the last vestiges of an ‘ _amazing,_ ’ and when he turned around, she was gone.

 

Taako was the most famous chef in all of Faerun. He knew that, and he was happy about it. He also knew that the Bureau was looking for him. Well, looking for the Chalice. Same difference. He knew this because he’d made it happen.

Taako didn’t bother trying to hide the fact that he had the Chalice to anyone. He kept the conspicuous looking thing on his counter during all his shows, but never used it for any practical chalice purposes. He knew that no one who wasn’t from the Bureau would notice it. Their brains would tune it out, just like Hurley’s mind has tuned out the Gaia Sash. Sooner or later, someone from the Bureau would notice that it was odd that no one else seemed to remember the ornate chalice covered with clockwork and cogs and jewels, and for some reason, a single, tiny duck had been carved into the metal.

He kept an eye on the people in the crowd, and when they came up for samples, Taako would check their arms. He had to make sure that he was ready for the Bureau when they did come for him. But it was too late. He’d made his decision, and they couldn’t stop him.

One day, he noticed a small child in the crowd. He recognized the child instantly; he’d never forget Angus McDonald. He made a point to move around the Chalice as often as possible throughout the show.

Angus was the last person to walk up for a sample, and Taako made direct eye contact with him as her smiled and set the Chalice down on the counter.

“Hello sir!” Angus said brightly.

“Nice bracer, Agn- kid,” Taako said, catching himself. “Is that real silver?” He asked, reaching over the counter and tapping the button in an inconspicuous manner. “It feels like real silver,” he continued.

“It is,” Angus said.

“How’d you enjoy the show?” Taako asked.

“It was good.” Angus paused, and wrinkled up his face in confusion. “Sir, did you just try to call me ‘Agnes?’” He asked, looking up at Taako.

Taako cursed silently, but shook his head. “You must’ve misheard me, pumpkin,” he said.

Angus blinked at him slowly, looking unimpressed. “I’m the world’s greatest boy detective; I can _certainly_ detective good enough to see through your bull crap,” he said dryly.

Taako sighed. “Right,” Taako said defeatedly. He looked at the sky, and watched as a glass orb hurtled towards the ground. “Don’t get in it, Ango. I can tell you everything, but just, uh-” He glanced at the Chalice. “Hold up.” He put the Chalice inside a drawer. “Okay,” he said, lowering his voice to a whisper.

“Mr. Taako, sir, what’s going on?” Angus asked.

Taako grabbed Angus by his lapels, and hoisted him up onto the counter. “Send a message on your Stone of Farspeech to the Bureau, and tell them to send down their Reclaimers, to retrieve a Grand Relic,” he instructed.

Angus’s jaw dropped. “Wait, how did you-”

“Doesn’t matter,” Taako said briskly. “Oh!” His eyes widened. “Don’t tell them that I told you to do this, if you please,” he said.

“But- _doesn’t matter?_ ” Angus spluttered. “What do you mean it doesn’t matter? You- you haven’t been innoculated, so how-”

“Agnes.” Taako looked at the kid. “I will tell you everything, but I need you to dial up the Director, and have her send down the Two Horny Boys,” Taako said.

Angus blinked a few times, nodded, and pulled out the Stone. He traced out the Director’s frequency, never once taking his eyes off of Taako.

 

The intercom in the icosagon crackled to life, and the Two Horny Boys stopped sparring with Killian as the Director’s voice filled the arena.

“Would the Reclaimers Merle Highchurch and Magnus Burnsides please come to the Director’s office immediately for a mission briefing? Merle Highchurch and Magnus Burnsides to the Director’s office immediately for a mission briefing?”

Merle sighed and picked up his X-Treme Teen Bible, which he had dropped on the ground. “Wonder where we’re getting shipped off to _this_ time, and who the big bad is,” he said.

Magnus shrugged. “I try not to think too much about these things,” he said.

“Or at all,” Merle muttered under his breath.

Magnus glared down at the dwarf before holding up his hand for a high five as he passed Killian.

“Good match,” Killian said, smiling at the pair. “Good luck with your mission.”

The pair walked to the dome that housed the Director’s office and walked in.

If they had known her better, they would have immediately known that the Director was very distressed. As it was, they could tell that she wasn’t as composed as usual.

“‘Sup, Lucretia,” Magnus said, greeting her with the first name that he had learned from Lucas.

“Please don’t call me that,” the Director said sharply. She let out a shaky breath. “I apologize for being so short with you, but I just got a call from one of our seekers, Angus McDonald,” she said. She ran her fingers along the grooves in her staff, and looked up at the pair of them. “He has found a Grand Relic, and this one is… particularly dangerous, and by far the most tempting to use.”

“With all due respect, the pair of us have been able to handle everything that these Relics have thrown at us so far, including the Thrall,” Magnus said.

The Director shook her head. “No, this one is…” She sighed. “It’s called the Temporal Chalice, and with it’s incredible power, you could turn back _time itself_.”

Magnus’s eyes widened.

“Listen, you both have been able to withstand the thrall of all the previous relics, but the chance to chase the Chalice turns decent men insane.” She looked sad. “You’d be able to fix your greatest mistakes, but...but you can’t imagine the repercussions that it could have on everything else.” She turned around and stared at her portrait.

Magnus nodded, but he was staring into space, his mind elsewhere.

“Where are you sending us?” Merle asked, shaking the Director out of her reverie.

“Yeah, and who’s ass do we gotta kick?” Magnus asked absently.

The Director sighed. “We’re sending you to the town of Daggerford,” she said. “And have either of you heard of _Sizzle it Up With Taako_?” She held up a flyer for a show from about five years ago.

Magnus perked up. “Oh yeah! He came to Raven’s Roost this one time, and he made some pretty bitchin’ macarons.”

The Director nodded. “Angus says that he thinks that Taako is in possession of a Grand Relic, and the description he gave matches that of the Temporal Chalice perfectly.”

“Great!” Merle said. “Then let’s get going, so we can go back to sleep.” He twirled the Umbra Staff around his wrist. The umbrella responded by shocking him. “Okay, okay,” he grumbled. “Moody,” he harrumphed.

The Director made a shooing motion with her hands. “ _Sizzle it Up_ is a travelling show, so there’s no way of knowing how long he’ll stay in Daggerford. Angus is down on planetside, trying to stall Taako. Get moving.”

Once they’d left her office, Lucretia let out a soft sob. Maybe if she’d been faster to recruit them, then maybe Merle and Magnus wouldn’t be going to fight one of their dearest friends without knowing it, and maybe Taako wouldn’t have taken the Chalice, and maybe she’d have assembled the Light by now, and maybe-

“Davenport?” Perhaps sensing her distress, the gnome had stood on the step stool next to her desk and put his hand on her shoulder.

Lucretia wiped her eyes. “I’m fine,” she said. She took a few deep breaths.

The Director pulled out a stack of paperwork, and began to write.

 

Merle and Magnus’s sphere landed just outside of Daggerford, and it didn’t take them long to find the stagecoach. Just like the Director had said, Angus was there, sitting on the counter and talking with Taako.

Angus noticed them, and held up a finger to Taako, as if to say “hold on, I’ll be right back.” He jogged over to the pair. “Hello sirs!” Angus said cheerfully.

“Hey Angus,” Merle greeted. “So, is that elf Taako?”

Angus nodded. “And-” He stopped, and began to mouth out words to them. _Mute. Your. Stones._

Magnus muted his Stone without a second thought, and grabbed Merle’s to do the same. “What’s up Angus?”

Angus looked at them with distress. “He knows about the Bureau. And the Relics. And the Director. And you guys.” Angus’s voice became more distressed by the word. “He knows what my name is. He won’t tell me how he knows, but he asked for you guys specifically to be sent in.”

Magnus began to walk towards Taako, his hand on Railsplitter threateningly. Merle waddled behind him, holding the Umbra Staff in one hand, X-Treme Teen Bible in the other.

 _Merle looks,_ Taako thought with an amused snort, _like he’s gonna poke me with the Umbra Staff, and then ask me to join a congregation._

“Magnus! Merle!” He waved them over, smiling like he was greeting old friends, which struck the pair of them as odd. “Hail and well met, my dudes.”

“How?” Magnus asked, glaring at the elf.

“Hm?” Taako asked as he opened a drawer.

“How can you hear it when I say Voidfish?” Magnus demanded.

Taako put the Chalice on the counter with a thunk. “I can explain all of this, and I will, but we should go inside of the wagon,” Taako said calmly, stepping out from behind the counter.

“Yeah, sorry, but that sounds sketchy as hell,” Merle said, raising an eyebrow. “Give us one good reason why we should trust you,” Merle said, pointing the Umbra Staff at Taako. The handle of the umbrella began to heat up, and Merle huffed in annoyance. “Moody piece of trash,” he groused. The umbrella continued to heat up until it started to burn Merle’s palm. _Then_ Merle dropped it, and it rolled to Taako’s feet.

Taako bent over to pick it up.

“Don’t touch that!” Merle said. “It’s very temperamental, and sometimes it doesn’t even let _me_ hold it.”

“The I first time I picked it up, it bitch-slapped me across the icosagon,” Magnus put in.

“The point is,” Merle said with a sigh, “the Umbra Staff is very volatile, even around the people it knows. I don’t want to think about what it might do to a complete stranger.”

Taako raised an eyebrow, and picked up the umbrella. When his hand closed around the handle of the staff, it crackled with lighting, just like it had done for him so long ago(Taako supposed that it wasn’t long ago; it had never happened) in Wave Echo Cave, just like it hadn’t for Merle.

Taako leaned on the Umbra Staff like a cane, a smug grin on his face at Magnus and Merle’s open mouths.

Magnus reacted first. “He did something to the Umbra Staff!” He shouted, pulling out Railsplitter.

Merle was holding his arm up like he was about to slam the X-Treme Teen Bible down on Taako’s skull, assuming that he could reach that high. “You’ve got ten seconds to give us a good reason to trust you!”

“Merle is a disgusting person who fucked a plant to open a door,” Taako said casually. “Magnus is training to be a rogue with Carey Fangbattle. You met the Grim Reaper during Candlenights, and his name is Kravitz. You both have bounties on your heads for dying and not checking in to the astral plane.” Taako rattled off the facts as though they were nothing. “Need I go on, or do you trust me enough to go inside my stagecoach where we can talk in private?”

Angus walked over to Taako. “I want to know what’s going on,” he said. “I say we trust him. At the very least, we should trust him enough to hear him out, right?”

Magnus put away Railsplitter, and Taako whirled around and walked inside of the stagecoach, waving them inside.

Angus, Merle, and Magnus walked inside. Taako was sitting on a tiny bed, the Umbra Staff on his lap, Temporal Chalice in his hand. He smiled at them. “Have a seat,” the elf said, and Magnus and Angus sat down. Merle just leaned against the wall.

“Alright,” Taako said. “What I’m gonna tell you is gonna sound absolutely insane, but you’re gonna have to bear with me here.”

Angus nodded and pulled out a notebook and a pencil from his pocket.

“To summarize: I know you guys, because I was a member of the Bureau of Balance. I was a Reclaimer, and the Umbra Staff was mine. I taught Agnes a few cantrips, we went looking for the Chalice, we found it in Refuge where there was this time loop thing going on. The Chalice made us all offers to fix the greatest mistakes of our lives, you both said no, but I didn’t. I created a new timeline, and here we are now.”

Angus had been writing furiously. “So, you fell under the thrall of the Chalice, sir?”

Taako shook his head. “Nope,” he said, popping the ‘P.’ He held up the Chalice. “It was an open sales pitch. No mind control whatsoever.”

Magnus stood up abruptly. “You left us behind in that other timeline.” There was a cold anger in his voice.

“Yeah. What of it?” Taako asked.

“I _certainly_ know what the biggest mistake of my life was, and it’s what I have wanted for over half a decade!” Magnus’s voice was angrier as he walked over to Taako, and Taako felt _scared_. He had never, in any of their adventures, been scared of Magnus.

Magnus grabbed Taako by his collar and lifted the elf up so that they were eye level. “Dammit, if I didn’t go back in time to save my _wife_ , then what the _hell_ could be so important that you left your friends behind and broke _time itself_?” The Umbra Staff, which had fallen to to the ground, zapped Magnus’s foot. Magnus dropped Taako.

Taako’s ears flattened against his head. “Glamour Springs,” Taako whispered, tracing the delicate cogs on the Chalice with his finger. “In the old timeline, forty people died after eating my cooking. It was my assistant, Sazed, that had poisoned it, but I’d thought it was just a result of carelessness. In any case, it was still my selfishness that-” Taako started crying. He hadn’t thought about Glamour Springs in almost a year. Some days, he could almost pretend it was a bad dream. He pulled the brim of his hat over his face to hide the tears, letting the Chalice fall to the ground. It rolled a few feet away from him.

His face was red and blotchy, and he wiped his nose. “Besides, it didn’t matter, we weren’t really friends, and-and you guys would have tossed me aside once we got all the Relics, and I don’t want to be alone, I’ve always been alone, and-and I wouldn’t have even had my cooking show, I would have been all alone again, and-” he trailed off into gibberish.  “Magnus, you promised-you promised that you wouldn’t judge either of us for what we chose.”

“Taako, I’m sorry,” Taako didn’t hear Magnus say, because all Taako could think was _what was I thinking, bringing them here? They couldn't possibly understand what we went through in that timeline, couldn’t possibly understand how close we were as friends._

Then the idea hit him.

 _I can have a do-over. Go back in time. This time, I can hide the Chalice from Angus, I don’t have to call down the Reclaimers, and everything will be perfect, because when it comes to emotions_ , “Taako’s good out here,” he whispered, releasing the brim of his hat.

He didn’t really hear Magnus yelling at Merle about using the spell Calm Emotions, didn’t really hear Angus asking Taako what he had said. All Taako could hear was his own voice, repeating the mantra like a metronome who’s swinging he depended upon to live.

The Umbra Staff rolled over to his hand, and if he’d been thinking about it, he might have wondered how it had rolled on its own, but he wasn’t thinking about it. His hand closed around the handle, which began to heat up. Not enough to hurt Taako, but enough to comfort him, like a warm hand might. It was enough to pull Taako out of the haze in his mind.

Merle opened his X-Treme Teen Bible and cast Sleep on the elf. Taako resisted at first, but he was so exhausted, and his friends were by his side, the Umbra Staff in his hand, and he felt safe. So after a moment of fighting to remain conscious, Taako allowed himself to drift off to sleep.

Merle glanced at the Umbra Staff, which Taako was clinging to like it was his only comfort. “Why does he get to twirl it around and hug it when I can’t even hold it without the damn thing trying to kill me?”

“Maybe the Umbra Staff doesn’t appreciate plant fetishes?” Magnus suggested.

“Har dee har har,” Merle said dryly.

“Sirs? Should you grab the Chalice?” Angus asked.

Magnus sighed. “Yeah, probably.”

“What are we gonna do about Taako?” Merle asked.

“Fix the mistake of the brother that isn’t,” Angus murmured, realizing what Istus meant.

“Hm?” Merle hummed.

“When I was doing Seeker stuff in that desert town, Refuge, I went to the temple of Istus, and the goddess appeared in front of me,” Angus explained. “She told me that I needed to the ones who should have been her emissaries that when the time comes, they’d have to fix the mistake of their brother that isn’t. Then, I saw both of your faces in”

“What does that even mean?” Magnus asked.

“‘The brother that isn’t’ is Taako, you two should have been her emissaries, and the mistake that Taako made was using the Chalice to turn back time!” Angus said excitedly.

Merle and Magnus didn’t seem to share his enthusiasm. “But Angus, how do we fix a problem like that?” Merle asked dubiously.

Magnus and Merle silently brainstormed for a few minutes, or at the very least, that was what Angus _hoped_ they were doing.

“What if we-”

“We aren’t using the Chalice.”

“Nevermind.”

Angus bit his lip as he tapped his pencil against his nose. “Well, what if we went to a temple of Istus and asked her for help?”

Merle patted Angus’s head. “That’s not half bad,” he said. “Let’s wake up Taako, and uh...do either of you know where the nearest temple of Istus is?”

Angus and Magnus shook their heads. “Aren’t you the cleric here?” Magnus asked, eyeing Merle.

“I’m a cleric of _Pan_ , you _walnut!_ ”

“The only one I know about is the one in Refuge,” Angus said. “And Daggerford is about a day’s ride from Refuge.”

“Wake up Taako,” Merle said. “We can use his stagecoach.”

Magnus didn’t remember knowing Taako, but all the same, he felt compelled to help the elf. He wasn’t entirely sure _why_ he wanted to help, but he did. He smacked Taako at 2% power so as not to hurt him.

Taako woke up, mumbling sleepily. “Lemme ‘lone,” he slurred, batting at the air.

Magnus picked up Taako, and set him back down upright. “Wake up,” he said. “We’re going to fix your screw up, and to do that, we need you to drive us to Refuge, m’kay?”

Taako nodded his head, yawning. “Okay,” he said. I’ll leave the stagecoach here at a valet, and we can take the supplies wagon. The stagecoach is heavier, so we’ll get there faster in the wagon.”

By the time the stagecoach was in a valet, Taako, Merle, and Angus were in the back of the wagon, and they were on the road it was night.

Magnus was driving, because he had vehicle proficiency. “Trust me, if we run into any trouble with the law, I’m the guy you want at the wheel,” Magnus had said, and no one really thought it was worth it to argue with the fighter.

Taako was checking all of the supplies against his list. Perhaps it was a pointless effort since he might be restarting this timeline anyways, but the mindless task took his mind off of everything else.

Angus was sound asleep under the tarp that was his makeshift blanket, using a pile of _Sizzle It Up_ T-shirts as a pillow. He was such a quiet sleeper that it was easy for Magnus, Taako, and Merle to forget that he was there at all.

Merle was using Magnus’s axe, which glowed with divine Light, to read from his X-Treme Teen Bible. Occasionally, he’d mutter something that neither of the two that were awake could hear.

“Whatcha doing?” Taako asked the dwarf curiously.

“Studying my cantrips,” Merle responded, and Taako laughed.

“You can just _say_ masturbating, you don’t have to use weird euphemisms!” Taako said, grinning at Merle. Merle couldn’t see the grin in the darkness, but he could hear it in Taako’s voice.

“ _I’m_ _deep in thought!”_ Merle said angrily.

“Don’t come in mom, I’m studying my cantrips!” Magnus’s hearty laugh drifted back from the driver’s seat.

Taako laughed along with the big man. _Really, it feels exactly the same as it had on the road to Phandalin_ , he thought. With Angus asleep, it was just the three of them, traveling together in a wagon. _Just like old times._

Of course, the circumstances were _very_ different than old times. Magnus and Merle had a bond with each other, and Taako felt as though he had a bond with them, but they didn’t have a bond with Taako. How could they?

Taako finished the inventory check long after Merle had extinguished the light and gone to sleep. He climbed into the driver’s seat next to Magnus, who looked at him in surprise.

“Hey Taako,” greeted Magnus. “How come you’re still awake?”

Taako shrugged. “Not tired,” he said. It was a lie, and a bad one considering that he yawned immediately after saying it, but it was a lie that Magnus chose to ignore.

“Cool,” Magnus said. There was a brief pause. “Tell me about the other timeline. The one you left.”

Taako looked at him in mild surprise. “What do you want to know?”

“Well, I want to know about the Bureau, and the three of us, and basically whatever you’re willing to talk about,” Magnus said. “How’d we meet?”

Taako smiled. “Well I guess it started with Craigslist,” he began. He went through the adventures of the Tres Horny Boys, bit by bit. Magnus was a good listener, laughing at all the right parts, his eyes widening in shock at some.

“And I said ‘Hey thug, what’s your name? I’m about to tentacle your dick!’ And I cast Evard's Black Tentacles on him! The best part? He blushed!” Taako said, howling in laughter.

Magnus laughed heartily. “Man Taako, I wish you’d been in our party. Your timeline sounds _way_ more interesting than this one!” He shielded his eyes as the first rays of sunlight hit them. “Holy shit dude, we’ve been up all night,” Magnus said.

Taako yawned. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” He stretched, the Umbra Staff in his hand.

“That umbrella suits you a lot better than it suits Merle,” Magnus commented.

“Everything suits me better than it suits Merle,” Taako said matter-of-factly.

“I heard that!” the pair heard Merle grouse as he climbed beside Taako.

“Well you can’t argue with the truth, old man!” Taako said with a laugh.

“What are you two talking about anyways?” Merle asked.

“Taako’s telling me about the other timeline!” Magnus said excitedly. “It was so much cooler than this timeline.”

Merle yawned. “Oh. Well don’t stop on my account,” he said, waving his hand in a gesture that said ‘go on.’

Taako grinned. “I’d just seduced the grim reaper with oily black tentacles,” Taako said.

Angus woke up an two and a half hours later to the laughter of the Tres Horny Boys. “Morning sirs,” he said, rubbing his eyes. “Are we almost to Refuge?”

“Yep!” Magnus said. “We’re about five minutes away.”

“That’s great!” Angus said.

Ten minutes later, they were at the temple of Istus.

Magnus glanced at Merle. “So, do you have any idea how this works?” He asked. “Summoning Istus, I mean.”

Merle rolled his eyes. “I told you, I’m a cleric of _Pan._ I don’t know shit about Istus, other than that she’s the goddess of fate.”

“Sirs, you may want to look up,” Angus said, pointing to the tapestry depicting happy people in the embrace of Istus. And just below the tapestry, in the flesh, was Istus.

She smiled. “Hello again, Angus. It’s nice to meet you again as well, Merle, and Magnus.” Her smile fell a little bit. “Taako.”

Taako looked down at his feet. “Hey Istus. Long time, no see, huh?”

Merle knelt on the floor.  “Oh great and holy Bismuth-”

Istus chuckled. “It’s Istus, actually,” she corrected. Her gaze turned to Taako. “Taako,” she began. “When you agreed to be my emissary, one of the things we specifically talked about was not tampering with fate.”

“Well, I didn’t plan to get tempted by the Relic. It’s just-” Taako looked up. “Well, it was the biggest fuck up of my life, yeah? And- and I got the chance to fix it, so I did it, and I fucked up even more by doing that, so what I’m asking is for you to please help me fix it!” Taako blurted out the whole thing in a single breath. “Please. I-I want to make this right, so-” He held out the Chalice. “Please take this, and use it to fix everything!” He looked down at his shoes, his grip on the Umbra Staff tight.

Taako felt the Chalice leave his hand. “You did indeed, fuck up pretty badly,” he heard Istus say. “But you also want to fix your fuck up.” Taako felt a warm hand on his shoulder, and he looked up. Istus was smiling. “And I will do this for you. I do not know what consequences you will have back in the timeline where you belong, and I cannot help you out of those, but I will right this wrong.”

Taako was beaming. “Thank you,” he said. He turned around, and tossed the Umbra Staff to Merle, who caught it. It zapped him. “Take care of yourselves, homies!” He turned back to Istus. “What do I do now?”

Istus tugged a single thread loose from her scarf, and handed it to him. “Walk to the Davy Lamp, don’t look back, and don’t let go until you get there,” she instructed. She handed him the Chalice. “Don’t you need to take this back up to the moon with you?” She asked.

Taako turned around, and began walking with the thread in one hand, the Chalice in the other.

And though he doesn’t see it, can’t see it because it’s behind him, things are changing. Magnus and Merle materialize in the Davy Lamp’s white space with June; they’ve just watched Taako disappear after using the Chalice. Angus is back up on the moon base, practicing Prestidigitation and hoping that Taako will return to the moon base to see it. Taako’s stagecoach is gone, and so is the supplies wagon.

And then Taako is back in the Davy Lamp, and he sees Merle and Magnus, his best friends, and they’re frozen in time, sniffling, shock evident on their faces. He releases the thread, and Istus begins to knit reality back together. Taako is wearing the skirt he bought at the Fantasy Costco, the Umbra Staff is at his side. His bracer weaves itself onto his arm, and time unfreezes.

“Hail and well met, my dudes,” Taako said, leaning on the Umbra Staff like a cane.

Magnus and Merle looked up. “Taako!” Magnus enveloped the wizard in a great big hug. “I thought you used the Chalice!”

“I did,” Taako said, making no attempt to free himself from Magnus’s arms. “But it was pretty shitty, so I decided that fuck that, this timeline was cooler,” he lied. “So I’m back, I’m here to stay, and you can let go now, okay?”

Magnus hugged him tighter.

“Careful, my dude. You’re going to break my ribs.” But Taako didn’t try to break out of the hug. “You did hear me, right? I’m not going anywhere, Taako’s good out here.” And he knew that he _was_ good out here.

Better yet, for the first time in eight years, he was home.


End file.
